Good Boundaries And Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

By: Lysa Terkeurst

Why hello there….July. Have you ever heard others (or yourself) speaking about how conflicted they feel about a particular relationship in their life? This could be a romantic relationship, a relationship with a family member or even a friend. Sometimes we go so far in trying to maintain relationships that simply do not work for us. Whether we feel obligated to be around those people, or we have a duty to encourage or facilitate a relationship with that person, even if it isn’t good for us. Some of us continue to put ourselves in situations where the relationship is not adding value ( I know that is hard to hear) and not promoting healthy interactions with others. The question comes to mind, can I distance myself from that person while also still having all the love, respect and admiration for them as I do? Some would say, “No it’s just how they are and I just need to deal with it.” On my end of the field, I am saying if it doesn’t work it doesnt work and that is okay. If we follow suit with the ebbs and flows of life, why can’t relationships be deemed in the same capacity. Can I also say, “ I have all the love in the world for that person but at this point in my life the relationship is not working anymore and I can be okay with that”. 

In Lysa Terkeurst’s Good Boundaries and Goodbyes this idea is explored in a beautiful way. The author takes on a personal perspective of how to learn that some relationships in our lives aren’t working and how we can decide to move forward from that relationship. We can love people from afar without having them be part of our lives. The author states, “ We can’t enable bad behavior and call it love”. We can challenge the idea of placing a particular boundary within a relationship while also expressing deep adoration for another person. The author identifies the importance of understanding that staying in a relationship for the happiness of others does not make the relationship healthy itself. That can be a hard decision but also the right decision for any moment in your life. To be noted, this author also connects spirituality in the reading. It is encouraged in cohorts to explore those topics together or take from the reading the bigger picture. Take the time to consider relationships in your life that are healthy, bring you joy and add positive value as a way to heal your own mental well being. 

-Jenna Kagarise, MA, NCC